Friday, September 22, 2006
JUST DOMINATED A 1/2 GALLON OF ICE CREAM AND A BOTTLE OF MAGIC SHELL
ME, DOING
YOU, DOING
NO, I WILL NOT WASH MY HANDS AND FACE.
YES, I WILL LEAVE A TRAIL OF FILTH FROM BOTH THE MAGIC
I’M OFF TO OWN THE FUCK OUT OF THE HORSE IN FRONT OF K-MART, $10 IN QUARTERS ARE BURNING A HOLE IN MY WRANGLERS.
NO, YOUR BOSS WON’T STOP YOU IN THE HALL TO TELL YOU HE APPRECIATES THE 90 HOUR WEEKS. FUCKING LOSER.
MRH,
K-MART COWBOY
Friday, August 11, 2006
FACT: RAGGEDY ANDY AND I ARE WANTED IN 3 STATES
SOUTH DAKOTA: BRANDISHING RED VINES AS A WEAPON? CHECK.
NORTH DAKOTA: CONSPIRACY TO SELL GOLD IRIDESCENT PAINTED LEAD IN THE SHAPE OF A PRECIOUS NATURAL RESOURCE? CHECK. (OPIES AND THEIR GREED)
IDAHO: PARTICIPATING IN GAMES OF CONFIDENCE WITH POP ROCKS, FUN DIP AND $0.17 OF CINAMMON GUMMY BEARS. (RAGGEDY ANDY'S GETS CREDIT FOR THIS ONE)
I'M THE ONE IN OVERALLS, NO T-SHIRT, AND RUBBER BOOTS.
YOU WON'T BE WANTING TO STEP TO ME, LOUIS.
MRH,
RODE WITH JOHNNY STRABLER
DIGTBK
NORTH DAKOTA: CONSPIRACY TO SELL GOLD IRIDESCENT PAINTED LEAD IN THE SHAPE OF A PRECIOUS NATURAL RESOURCE? CHECK. (OPIES AND THEIR GREED)
IDAHO: PARTICIPATING IN GAMES OF CONFIDENCE WITH POP ROCKS, FUN DIP AND $0.17 OF CINAMMON GUMMY BEARS. (RAGGEDY ANDY'S GETS CREDIT FOR THIS ONE)
I'M THE ONE IN OVERALLS, NO T-SHIRT, AND RUBBER BOOTS.
YOU WON'T BE WANTING TO STEP TO ME, LOUIS.
MRH,
RODE WITH JOHNNY STRABLER
DIGTBK
Monday, August 07, 2006
JUST FUCKING OWNED 17+ LOSERS AT THE PUBLIC POOL WITH MY WATER WINGS
YES, THAT WAS ME COMING CANNON BALL STYLE OFF THE HIGH DIVE WITH WATER WINGS.
NO, I DON'T CARE IF MY TESTICLES WERE HANGING OUT THE BOTTOM OF MY SUNWEAR MIAMI SHORTS.
OBVIOUSLY YOU DIDN'T EITHER, FAG.
HEY HUBERT, LOOKING FOR THE $1.25 IN QUARTERS YOUR MOM THREW IN THE POOL?
ITS TUCKED NICELY INTO THE BOTTOMW OF MY YELLOW AQUA SOCKS (YOU CAN'T AFFORD), YOU FUCKING SALLY.
WHILE YOUR MOM IS STILL TOWELING YOU OFF, I'LL BE BALLS DEEP IN A HAMBURGER, FRIES, A DILLY BUSTER AND A PEANUT BUSTER PARFAIT.
OWNED.
MRH,
WATER WING WIZARD
NO, I DON'T CARE IF MY TESTICLES WERE HANGING OUT THE BOTTOM OF MY SUNWEAR MIAMI SHORTS.
OBVIOUSLY YOU DIDN'T EITHER, FAG.
HEY HUBERT, LOOKING FOR THE $1.25 IN QUARTERS YOUR MOM THREW IN THE POOL?
ITS TUCKED NICELY INTO THE BOTTOMW OF MY YELLOW AQUA SOCKS (YOU CAN'T AFFORD), YOU FUCKING SALLY.
WHILE YOUR MOM IS STILL TOWELING YOU OFF, I'LL BE BALLS DEEP IN A HAMBURGER, FRIES, A DILLY BUSTER AND A PEANUT BUSTER PARFAIT.
OWNED.
MRH,
WATER WING WIZARD
Thursday, June 15, 2006
JUST SWEATED THROUGH MY SHIRT PLAYING NO-TOUCH-GROUND TAG
FUCKING PURE OWNAGE OF MY LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE T-SHIRT.
PROBABLY WON'T WASH IT UNTIL LABOR DAY.
SERVED UP A SEVERE DOES OF ATHELETICS AND STEALTH ON THOSE FUCKING 3RD GRADE NERDS.
HEY SOCCER MOM, TREVOR FELL OFF THE ROPE BRIDGE. AGAIN.
LOOKS LIKE HE WILL BE SITTING THIS ONE OUT EARLY. AGAIN. I'M SURE YOU ARE PROUD.
IN TEN MINUTES I WILL BE MAKING MY POWER SNACK.
MARSHMELLOW AND RASPBERRY JAM SANDWICH ON GRAHAM CRACKERS.
NO YOUR CHOLESTEROL CAN NOT AFFORD.
ENJOY YOUR BRAN MUFFIN AND SALAD FOR LUNCH. DON'T SPILL ON YOUR KAHKIS OR FRENCH BLUE SHIRT, FUCKING DRONE.
MRH,
I AM A FUCKING BALERINA
PROBABLY WON'T WASH IT UNTIL LABOR DAY.
SERVED UP A SEVERE DOES OF ATHELETICS AND STEALTH ON THOSE FUCKING 3RD GRADE NERDS.
HEY SOCCER MOM, TREVOR FELL OFF THE ROPE BRIDGE. AGAIN.
LOOKS LIKE HE WILL BE SITTING THIS ONE OUT EARLY. AGAIN. I'M SURE YOU ARE PROUD.
IN TEN MINUTES I WILL BE MAKING MY POWER SNACK.
MARSHMELLOW AND RASPBERRY JAM SANDWICH ON GRAHAM CRACKERS.
NO YOUR CHOLESTEROL CAN NOT AFFORD.
ENJOY YOUR BRAN MUFFIN AND SALAD FOR LUNCH. DON'T SPILL ON YOUR KAHKIS OR FRENCH BLUE SHIRT, FUCKING DRONE.
MRH,
I AM A FUCKING BALERINA
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED TO AN ELITE SUMMER SCHOOL OF LIKE MINDED INDIVIDUALS
NO, YOU WERE NOT ELIGIBLE, CHARLY.
YES, SUMMER SCHOOL IS A FEEDER TO THE BOHEMIAN GROVE.
YES, THE SCREENING PROCESS WAS INTENSE (WHO THE FUCK IS RORSCHACH AND WHY DOES HE ONLY DRAW SCARY PICTURES?)
YES, I WILL BE STUDYING THE FINER POINTS OF FINGER PAINTING, MOBILE'S, AND THE SECRET OF THE UNIVERS: HOW THE MOBIUS STRIP WORKS.
YES, I WILL BE SCHOOLED IN HIGH FINANCE, INCLUDING THE OPTIMIZING LEMONADE SALES ASSUMING A LAFFER CURVE POINT WHERE THE SLOPE OF A LINE = 0.
NO, I WILL NOT RELINQUISH THE CONCH SHELL.
MEANWHILE, YOU WILL SPEND THE SUMMER TRYING TO LOOK COOL IN THE PARKING LOT OF THE LOCAL DAIRY QUEEN. HOW IS THAT ASTHMA, PIGGY? WHAT A FUCKING DOUCHE.
MRH,
MAY OR MAY NOT ROCK THE LOIN CLOTH ALL SUMMER
YES, SUMMER SCHOOL IS A FEEDER TO THE BOHEMIAN GROVE.
YES, THE SCREENING PROCESS WAS INTENSE (WHO THE FUCK IS RORSCHACH AND WHY DOES HE ONLY DRAW SCARY PICTURES?)
YES, I WILL BE STUDYING THE FINER POINTS OF FINGER PAINTING, MOBILE'S, AND THE SECRET OF THE UNIVERS: HOW THE MOBIUS STRIP WORKS.
YES, I WILL BE SCHOOLED IN HIGH FINANCE, INCLUDING THE OPTIMIZING LEMONADE SALES ASSUMING A LAFFER CURVE POINT WHERE THE SLOPE OF A LINE = 0.
NO, I WILL NOT RELINQUISH THE CONCH SHELL.
MEANWHILE, YOU WILL SPEND THE SUMMER TRYING TO LOOK COOL IN THE PARKING LOT OF THE LOCAL DAIRY QUEEN. HOW IS THAT ASTHMA, PIGGY? WHAT A FUCKING DOUCHE.
MRH,
MAY OR MAY NOT ROCK THE LOIN CLOTH ALL SUMMER
Thursday, May 11, 2006
JUST TOOK 17 PAPER CLIPS, 3 PINWHEELS AND A HI-C OF SOME MANLET
HIT THE HIGH STAKES GO-FISH AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY EARLIER.
NOTHING FINER.
BOOM! WHILE I BROUGHT THE NOISE, CHAD HAD TO GO FISH, AGAIN.
SUCKER.
I COULD SMELL THE H2D BITCHES PHEROMONES BEGGING ME TO HIT THE TRAMPOLINE TO DISPLAY MY DOMINANCE.
THE ONLY THING MANLETS SMELLED WAS TANG AND THE CRISCO FROSTING ON THE CAKE.
S/F/O.
WHILE THEY PLAYED PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY (KIDS GAME), I'M DID A 720 DAFFY OFF THE TRAMPOLINE.
I'M A FUCKING FESTIVAL.
MRH,
FINGER FUCKED THE BIRTHDAY CAKE
NOTHING FINER.
BOOM! WHILE I BROUGHT THE NOISE, CHAD HAD TO GO FISH, AGAIN.
SUCKER.
I COULD SMELL THE H2D BITCHES PHEROMONES BEGGING ME TO HIT THE TRAMPOLINE TO DISPLAY MY DOMINANCE.
THE ONLY THING MANLETS SMELLED WAS TANG AND THE CRISCO FROSTING ON THE CAKE.
S/F/O.
WHILE THEY PLAYED PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY (KIDS GAME), I'M DID A 720 DAFFY OFF THE TRAMPOLINE.
I'M A FUCKING FESTIVAL.
MRH,
FINGER FUCKED THE BIRTHDAY CAKE
Friday, May 05, 2006
NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO IF I BUILD A RAFT OUT OF RUBBER CEMENT
NO, THESE AREN'T SCHEMATICS.
YES, I AM WORKING ON MY TIMES TABLES.
NOW, TAKE YOUR KNITTED SWEATER TO THE TEACHERS LOUNGE AND GET BACK TO COMPLAINING ABOUT THE TEACHERS UNION, BARBARA.
YES, I WILL BE ENGAGING IN A CROSS-POND DAY-ASSAULT ON YOUR PICNIC IN THE PARK TOMORROW.
NO, I DON'T NEED PADDLES (ARMS MUCH? FUCKING IDIOT.)
YOU WILL TAKE HEAVY PICNIC CASUALTIES. I'VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU PINWHEELS.
MRH,
AQUARIAN NIGHTMARE
YES, I AM WORKING ON MY TIMES TABLES.
NOW, TAKE YOUR KNITTED SWEATER TO THE TEACHERS LOUNGE AND GET BACK TO COMPLAINING ABOUT THE TEACHERS UNION, BARBARA.
YES, I WILL BE ENGAGING IN A CROSS-POND DAY-ASSAULT ON YOUR PICNIC IN THE PARK TOMORROW.
NO, I DON'T NEED PADDLES (ARMS MUCH? FUCKING IDIOT.)
YOU WILL TAKE HEAVY PICNIC CASUALTIES. I'VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU PINWHEELS.
MRH,
AQUARIAN NIGHTMARE
